wakemeupgrace

i woke up and all i can think of is to update the blog with something

2009-04-02T11:19:00.003+08:00

Hadn't updated the blog for the longest time. So thought a sonnet will be the best replacement than a long post. It'll get you thinking and deciphering it's allusive metaphors and underlining meanings. Note to all, if you don't have time to blog, a sonnet always works the minds of those readers. It's a good sonnet with a monumental meaning. I'll think of something better for the next post :P

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Shakespeare

chiang mai

2009-02-17T12:11:00.003+08:00

A city filled with culture and beauty.

The Golden Triangle- a river that separates Thailand, Laos and Myanmar. Toilet, Black Bear?

Laos and the fine children of Vineyard Outreach.

The long neck karen tribe and a camp filled with soccer playing elephants.

There is no such thing as a little freedom. Either you are all free, or you are not free.

truth

2009-01-31T17:24:00.003+08:00

It may not be some heinous deed
That chills our hearts and chokes the seed;
It’s often just a trifling toy
That grabs our eye and steals our joy.
Gustafson

Got this off Our Daily Bread. Short lines filled with much truth and it would be no less than selfish to not share this revelation.

a fourletterstory

2009-01-30T01:06:00.002+08:00

rez-uh-loo-shuhn

2009-01-05T11:57:00.005+08:00

res⋅o⋅lu⋅tion
/ˌrɛzəˈluʃən/[rez-uh-loo-shuhn]
–noun

1. a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.
2. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
3. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.
4. the act or process of resolving or separating into constituent or elementary parts.
5. the resulting state.

I thought it was about time I listed a list of resolutions for 2009, a task omitted last year. It's quite interesting how dictionary.com deciphers 'resolution'. It had subtly set a couple of pointers to meeting your rez-uh-loo-shuhn .

Here's my breakdown of what dictionary.com had to say;
1. Resolution requires firm determination
2. Don't just plan, there's gotta be some action going on!
3. There's gotta be a purpose or to put it in more proportion; a firm purpose
4. There is a need to breakdown and compartmentalize the different issues while dealing with one bigger matter
5. Resolution calls for results

In attempts in keeping my resolutions, I'll start by keeping the most important;
Resolution #17: List down your resolutions for 2009.

Yay! I've got one checked off the list!

Happy 2009!

i'm lovin it

2008-12-31T01:44:00.003+08:00

Phew, six seven eight and there it is, Nine. It's the last hours of the last day of the last month of the year.

I thought Forrest Gump's saying aptly summed up 2008 ; 'Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get'. Amen to that. Life in 2008 was filled with surprises from low trying tides to great memorable times. It opened my eyes to discover what I have yet not seen and taught me various valuable life lessons, although those lessons tends to leave behind scars.

Looking back, I thought this year turned out pretty well. I enjoyed each second of it and appreciate every moment it had to offer. I'm grateful the year is ending well.

If I could share with you one thing I learnt this year it is this; Love life. I've learnt to be thankful for every single thing life has to offer; the joy, the pain, the hurt, the laughter, the stupidity, the craziness, the wreck, the helplessness, the "I don't know what's next" predicaments, the love, the everything. These things reminds me that I'm alive.

I thank God for a great 2008 and I pray that 2009 will be no less greater or bigger than the previous years. I walk into 2009 with my arms raised up and head lifted high knowing I've finished my race in 2008; and another finish line awaits me.

I'll end this year with the saying 'Life is something that everyone should try at least once'.

Philip loves Life.

twelfth days

2008-12-19T16:10:00.008+08:00

It has come to that time of the year again; the one where I over explain myself about the flashing days that passed and how this year came and went so quickly. I guess I'll do it differently this year. We stand 12 days away from a new year and to triangulate and think about it in a different light, we actually have 12 days left for 2008 to complete what could have been. With not much time left at hand but still ample to conclude 2008 the best we can, I think it's about time we moved our butts than move our checklist to the following year.

We start out each year with hopes and dreams to achieve and the determination to make sure that each task on our checklist is ticked before the end of each year. The checklist maybe long or short but the one essential thing I learnt this year was that each task on the list needed a timeline to comply to. The timing from the beginning to when the task will be completed or perhaps that itself a hope to a fruition of a dream. Without that, a dream remains a dream with no practical thought put in or any effort the least to making the dream real.

That in mind, we've got 12 days, merely less than 288 hours to cross out the most on our checklist before the inevitable strikes and we dawn upon a new year. And before we start reflecting the year that was and start contemplating on planning the year that could have been again, I'll take this 12 short days to end this very year the way I dreamt it could and would have been. A wise man once said, 'It's not how you start the race, but how you end them'.

The year started well for me but the end seemingly clouded with worries and anticipation of what future it holds. Faith is a funny maneuver I'm grappling to understand. While its easier said than done, faith keeps you on the edge of your seat ready to topple you over at any time; very much unexpected like rough waves in the ocean. You won't know how big the next wave will hit and whether you'll fall and be divulged by the greatness of the sea. Or if you will be able to swim and get back on the board in anticipation of the next great hit of the waves. The irony of it all is the persistence in waiting for the next big wave to come, waiting in worries and excitement that perhaps the wave will collide at me, or perhaps it may possible be that I stood at the right time on my board and live every surfer's dream of riding that giant wave.

Yes, faith is a funny thing that I still find intriguing to understand. I still can't grapple every sense of the meaning of the word, but I learnt that it is all about timing. Faith doesn't fail. It just waits for the right time before it explodes and it soars you above the circumstances. After writing a little about it, I realized that faith needs time. Taking the first few steps of faith may be the toughest, but faith in Jesus never fails.

Let's go back to timing. I said we can and should plan our timing to meet our dreams. But above and beyond our own timing, there is His timing. We can plan everything, but not everything will go according to plan. Faith takes over when plans doesn't meet our timing, and when it chooses to meet His timing.

It's all about timing. But with what we have left, lets make our last 12 days of this year count!

Have yourself a blessed christmas!

*The post this time is long. I guess I had alot to say and tell myself. If you have read it, I hope it stirred something to think about.

ah crap!

2008-12-12T16:00:00.005+08:00

After 10 weeks, I bid my farewell to Milk + Co. Many were puzzled at why and what led to my speedy exit. To me, it was the simplest yet the toughest decision to make. Simplest being the fact that I knew I had to leave this behind to allow the other priorities in my life continue to be a priority. The toughest was to let go without anything really left to hang on to. This is perhaps the first time I made a decision without any Plan B to catch me if I falter.

Beyond the internal struggles, there is the external pressure from the outsiders that couldn't and wouldn't be more empathetic than to pass an instant judgment on hearing my exit. Those that mutters under their breath "Ah, He doesn't know what He wants.. He is not serious with his life.. He gave up so easily.. and my personal favorite; Ah, He is not responsible". I shrug those comments and allow them not to have a sting at me.

I rather not explain the reason for my departure. Everyone seems to already want to believe their own thoughts and have their own preconceived ideas. Yes, everyone works late nights and sacrifice substantially to their career. I get that. But I wasn't willing to give up everything including God and his work for my own. And because I couldn't find a balance to both, one had to go. I chose the prior.

It was the longest contemplation and prayer that finally led to an epiphany and an assurance that He, the one that feeds the sparrow daily has a greater plan bigger than I can comprehend.

And He needed some space to move; space which only I could give. With that, I stuck on to hope, like how a tongue is stuck to a frozen pole- really really stuck; and take that leap of faith with worry and anticipation of what the next chapter holds. I'll just let go this time and let the Author write the next chapter as He wish. If horror and pain follow suit or joy and happiness, I'll just continue to run and run and run with only one thing in mind; I LET GO, I LET GOD.

The story of Paul came to mind and reminded me that not every story finishes well but it can still be a heck of a finish! I'll enjoy this race!

Between choices and the toughest things

2008-11-17T02:06:00.003+08:00

The hardest choices to make are those that you have no clue what will happen next. Those that you can only hope and believe. Those that keeps you awake.

A wise dad once wrote; 'What is most important is put God first in your lives and just as God is able to take care of Elijah, so can He takes care of those who trust in Him'. I think I'll take heed and make what is most important, most important.

Letting go, letting god. Again.

Seasons

2008-11-13T11:44:00.003+08:00

"How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown."

At a distance we all stand waiting, clueless and frighten of what could be. But beyond the status quo and my own simple understanding, I'll hold on to the one promise I always have; He makes all things beautiful in His time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

2008-11-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

Waiting.

i feel like i'm falling

2008-10-28T01:07:00.002+08:00

Standing tall in this wide space
Getting lost in Your embrace
I see a fire burning brighter
It's calling me to catch the flame

I feel like I'm falling over and over in love with You
It's not just a feeling, but I know that He is real
I feel like I'm falling into the arms of a mighty God
It's not just a feeling, but I know that He is real

You're drawing me closer to Your side
It's the safest place I know where to hide
With one glance You captured my heart
You speak Your words and set me apart

I feel like I'm falling, I feel like I'm falling
I feel like I'm falling, falling into the arms of love

Hillsongs's I Feel Like I'm Falling

Somehow this song keeps ringing in my mind. I get this feeling this like i'm falling helplessly. It's not a good feeling, but I pray the fall is into His arms of grace. I rehearse Jeremiah 29:11 in my head, knowing that He sees the bigger picture and I, only a fraction of His masterwork.

amazing grace

2008-09-17T15:36:00.004+08:00

"Amazing Grace"

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779)

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

Chris Tomlin

Guess the words to the hymn says it all.

’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.

give me more colours

2008-09-09T16:42:00.007+08:00

I have been sleeping on the 'right' position of the top bunk of my double deck bed. My head resting comfortably on the headboard and my feet likewise at the other end. But not until 9 months back when I pulled a topsy turvy and rested my head on the opposite side instead. I just needed to break the monotony. Break the usual.

We're habitual creatures, don't you think? We get too good in repeating the same things in life over and over again, and for the rest of our lives. We have done that so well that we deliberately abandone our brains and take likeness to a robot.

The irony about man is then when 'change' becomes the ultimatum, our instant response kicks in- the ability to dupe ourselves to think that we're making changes, when in actual fact we're back to repetitions. We are caught in this vacuum that sucks the courage to change or at least the attempts to be, leaving us in this drought of monotony.

The better part of us all longs for these change. The ones that at least bring back excitement in living. But the shift of burden to that very decision is astronomical. And so we go back to what we do best, the usual.

Our wisest friend Einstein once said; Insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result.

Guess the most of us are insane. I hence start my journey to recovery, by abandoning life in technicolour and opting for multicolour instead. Let's begin with the littlest things like sleeping at the other opposite end, and maybe taking ice-cold showers. That sounds exciting already.

08.08.08

2008-08-08T16:33:00.000+08:00

eight.

a number worthy of a post.

creat-ion

2008-07-31T10:34:00.004+08:00

chapter 1
3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.

6 Then God said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.” 7 Thus God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was so. 8 And God called the firmament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day.

9 Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so. 10 And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

11 Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. 12 And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 13 So the evening and the morning were the third day.

14 Then God said, “Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years; 15 and let them be for lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth”; and it was so. 16 Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also. 17 God set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth, 18 and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 So the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20 Then God said, “Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens.” 21 So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” 23 So the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24 Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind”; and it was so. 25 And God made the beast of the earth according to its kind, cattle according to its kind, and everything that creeps on the earth according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all[b] the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

29 And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. 30 Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so.

31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

chapter 2
1 Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished. 2 And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. 3 Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.

It took me 3 days on an island to experience again the wonders of creation and the greatness of the creator. I applaud you, my creator.

i'm amazed again.

passion

2008-07-23T01:38:00.005+08:00

Our passions are the winds that propel our vessel. Our reason is the pilot that steers her. Without winds the vessel would not move and without a pilot she would be lost.

This is a very interesting take on passion. I couldn't agree any less. And yes, Passion has caught my attention yet again.

in-sanity

2008-07-20T18:17:00.005+08:00

Insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result.

Intriguing.

6 months and everything between

2008-07-10T02:38:00.005+08:00

The first half of the year flew by so very quickly. So thought I just share the highlights of the past 6 months and its highs and lows. May I present you 'The Top 10 Highlights' so far :

10. Switchfoot
Obviously Switchfoot coming down to our shores left a deep scar. Had been waiting endlessly for the fine boys from San Diego to come down and put on the electrifying show I have heard so much about. And an electrifying show did they put on indeed.

9. Taiwan
Got the chance to visit Taiwan and immerse myself with taiwanese sausages, weird popiah rolls with ice-cream and the must have beef noodles! Ironically, I found myself liking Taiwan more than I initially thought i would. It will certainly help if I could converse in Mandarin. I felt disable without a translator.

8. The car and a promotion
Good to be able to finally afford your own car. And a promotion afterwards to help pay off the car. Irony.

7. The fourletterstory gigs
fourletterstory were give various opportunity to play and we did not hesitate to take some of them. To date the most memorable show will definitely be for the Tailor Made Man Musical which the band got the chance to contribute 3 piece of work. We're humbled.

6. The new job
The exciting change to come in the following months is the transition from Publicis to Milk & Co. Again humbled by the blessings that have paved way. Along with Milk & Co. is a one month much needed sabbatical that will see myself finally on an actual break in 3 years.

5. the fourletterstory release
The band had the chance to go in the studios and record 2 of our materials. I'm happy with the result of the recording which took a lengthy 6 months to produce. The next step: launch ourselves into the airwaves.
For further understanding about the music and band, visit
http://www.myspace.com/fourletterstory

4. The growth in Teenacity, the Homes for teens and a Revolution party and camp.
Teenacity has surpass the 50 mark and are reaching for 100. God has in his own way grown the ministry both in wideness and depth. Homes has been an avenue for these guys to share their thoughts no matter how intimate it was. The revolution party saw hands raised in surrender and that continued in the camp where they graduated and were ready to face the flow; the race against the flow.

3. The growth of teens
The evidence of teens in Teenacity growing and maturing reckons the need to push to a higher level. Never will i say to have seen such commitment from teens that will work the field to reap the harvest together. I'm humbled yet again.

2. The Ipoh incident
How could I deny the popular Ipoh incident that occured to the band. I won't go into the details of the occurrence. That you can read at
(http://fourletterstory.blogspot.com/2008/01/story-told.html). More so than not wanting to omit this incident from the list (which i ranked 2nd), is the truth that cannot be denied;

'And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me......for when I am weak, then am I strong.' KJV

1. Grace
What tops the highlight for the first half of the year? One word: Grace. His ample grace that surpasses my understanding and comforts me during the highs and lows. And it is by His grace that I wake up each morning knowing that it's worth living and when sometimes I forget the purpose of life, it's that grace that reminds me again. It's that grace that leads me to repentance, and that same grace that leads me know that I'm loved.

It's grace so amazing when Jesus took the cross and more amazing that the cross was ours.

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know

And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

My love burns for You
And my heart feels for You
My life good for You
My heart burns for You

David Crowder Band's Obsession

So six months has passed and 6 months to come. Let me remind myself this; let go, let god.

*Allow me to steal 8 minutes of your life to view this mind blowing clip

here comes the chair!

2008-05-15T23:51:00.002+08:00

Off to the land where the political leaders throws chairs and punches to get their message through. It's gonna be a fun weekend!

Can i join in the throwing?

the shadow proves the sunshine

2008-05-11T17:50:00.003+08:00

"Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us" Samuel Smiles

*the lil'ones playin soccer at noon in terlimau

i'll see you someday

2008-03-31T23:08:00.005+08:00

I find it hard to write this post, not really knowing where to start or where to head. Just lost.

I guess i'll just start with 'death' this time. Death is nothing new, or nothing unusual, with nothing much to talk about. And life will one day inevitably come to its end, and down to the last grasp for air before all slowly fades away, before 'you' fade away. That my friend is a simplification of life and death.

However, the irony of how life starts and end is rather unique, with its expression resembling each other but its emotions vastly differing. We tear, for joy we tear and for sadness we tear. The common expressions that however translates to very different emotions amuses me to think that God in all his creativity have chose to set the expressions of the beginning and the end as one. Guess God was just being playful =)

Grandma took her last breath at about 2.30pm today. It did came as quite a shock for everyone in the family. But, God had his plans and timing, and she left while she took her nap. I will sorely miss her, her smile, her words, her meals, her comfort, her time, i will miss her for her.

I write in memory of her in tears of sadness. I write in memory of her in tears of joy for she is now at a better place, for she is now back with grandpa, and for she is now with God.

I find it hard to write this post. Not really knowing where to start, but knowing that the end was the start for grandma; a start with God.

Thank you and good bye ah mah. I love you.

indescribable

2008-03-26T23:11:00.006+08:00

The milky way

So much had occurred in the recent weeks. So much so that the difference it has made is displayed vastly in its own ways. I guess 'change' was bound to happen and it did in its own time. Aside the substantial change with the politiks in the country, many other changes followed suit; and most for the better.

Good friday was an enlightening day. It brought me this time to view the splendors of the universe, the galaxy, our milky way, and to this earth we call home. And as I stood there and saw the enormity of the universe, i came to the realization that I, compared to the whole wide universe, am actually really really really small. And my world, not very much bigger compared to the bigness of it all. But, ah yes a 'but' follows. But, I am significant. And my world, as significant as I.

As insignificant in size I and my world is, to Him I am significant, so much so that He came down to my world, and chose to know me.

I'm standing at a juncture of crossroads in life. Not really knowing which to take, not really knowing anything. I do wished sometimes that everything could stop, or just paused for a moment. The earth will however not stop, but continue its journey in orbiting the sun and as the clock continues its tick and tock, I will just continue to run my race. And while at it, I'll just enjoy the wonderful tales of Disney. Yeah, Philip is a sucker for Disney's tales. Boohoo.

As you secretly poke fun at Philip and his fetish for Disney's cartoons; let me invite you to enjoy this tune from 'enchanted'. Common, be honest..stop stroking your ego, and admit your love for disney's cartoons too.

once upon a revolution

2008-01-28T19:24:00.000+08:00

"The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives"

William James

thanks giving

2008-01-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

It has been an amazing start to the year. The band just got back from a show in Ipoh, and it was a fruitful trip up north. But more importantly was God’s work and his way of revealing in his very own subtle thoughts.

There’s so much to write about the show and the afterwards which involved us in a car chase with the Kampar Police. And of how close we were to death and the 1001 ways of how bad could had been worst. By grace it turned out well, and we were kept alive.

I’m not gonna bother with the story telling after repeating it one too many times already. However, the thanks giving can’t be refrained from my lips. It’s great to survive, to be alive, to breath,and to know that His thoughts are higher than ours.

I recollect my thoughts after the incident, and God in his subtle way reminded me; He sometimes does not need to answer all our queries and doubts. But in his gentle way, He reduces the enormity of these questions and removes the significance of wanting to know the answers. As he reveals himself in his personal way, all those questions that lingers has now shrunk and is minuté.

I would not claim to have seen His face, or hear His audible voice. But I have certainly seen the evidence of his works, and oh it is good. It is so good.

A song seems to stick with me in these recent days, and i though i’ll just share it with you.

Refuse to be denied – desperation band
I am Yours, you are mine
I refuse to be denied
All of You is my heart's cry
I refuse to be denied

I'm coming after you
I'm coming after you
I'm coming after you

Though I'm weak, though I'm dry
I refuse to be denied
All my life, a sacrifice
I refuse to be denied

I'm coming after you
I'm coming after you
I'm coming after you